I haven't creeped into this little corner of the internet in a little while, but something about finals time always brings me back. Maybe it's the sheer procrastination kicking into overdrive, but this season of the semester always has me feeling reflective, inspired, and stressed.

Though I can't quite bring myself to justify working on the three post ideas that I have for this little space, I'm pulling myself away from my research revisions just long enough to update everyone on what the heck has been going on inside my little world. Side bar- does anyone remember when I used to do 'Monday Musings' every week to tell y'all what was going on in my week? Good times...

Loved.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a close friend share a core lie he believes about himself to be true. It came out of nowhere, without any pretense, as much of our conversations do. Naturally, this caught me off guard and took me by surprise- what the heck is a core lie, and how did we get on the subject?

Prim & pampered.

Moving back to school, starting classes, and falling back into a school routine can be stressful. So when Maple Holistics reached out to me just as I was moving back to campus, I was excited about the opportunity to test out one of their amazing products.

Hayley, one of their wonderful reps, asked if I would be interested in trying out their tea tree oil shampoos, and I could not have been more stoked about it. I am a huge fan of essential oils, and the thought of my hair smelling wonderfully of tea tree oil was a dream. I was extremely excited to try this product, so let's just jump right into my thoughts!

Favorite Worship Songs

Music just hits the soul in a way that sometimes words cannot. Below I've rounded up some songs that set my heart on fire. 

This.

{Grand Canyon / July 2017}

I never want to forget this moment.

Looking out across the Grand Canyon, there were so many emotions and thoughts speeding through my mind.

I felt small. I felt the gravity weighing down on me, keeping me fixed in this spot.

I felt the absolute, undeniable LOVE of God.

Vulnerable.

If you ever want to feel vulnerable, take a ride in an airplane.

There’s something about being 3000 feet up above the ground, relying on a pair of pilots to get you to your destination safely.

#LaurenStateOfTravel

{Death Valley / July 2017}

Hi friends! 

I'm heading off on my next big adventure & I'm taking you with me! 

Journey with me throughout the South West as I see the hills, the valleys, and everything in between. This wild road trip is something I used to only dream of, and I want to share it with all of you guys!

I'll be posting on my instagram, and you're not going to want to miss it. Head on over to @laurenstateofmind and hit that follow button quick so you can see all of my journey. 

I'll also be using the hashtag #LaurenStateOfTravel. Check in there to see all of my travel posts in one place!

I can't wait to head out and bring you all along. It's going to be a wild ride. 

Pray for safe travels and unforgettable experiences as I embark on my longest trip yet! 

LJ's Faves

{Sleeping Bear Dunes // July 2017}

1 | Quiet moments of Truth. It's been a long hot minute since I've taken the practice of just opening my Bible, but in this past week I've gotten into the Word each day. These sweet pieces of time have been so refreshing for my soul. 

2 | Worship music up loud and proud. There's something about music that just makes any time in God's presence more intimate. Sometimes there are things you can't quite put into words that music can. Singing in surrender of the King has been one of my most favorite things to do on drives to work, walking back from the gym, or while getting ready for my day. 

3 | Being outside in nature is so revitalizing, and after having a whole weekend of it, I'm ready for some more. Good thing I'm heading out west in a few short hours! 

4 | Good, honest, and true friends. At the passing of my birthday weekend, I found myself wishing to relive it every day. Not because I turned 21 though- because being in the presence of my friends has been so wonderful. Iron sharpens iron, and one many sharpens another - Proverbs 27:17

5 | Blessed opportunities for travel. There's nothing I love more than experiencing new things. Last year my word for the year, if you will, was experience. I was all about it., and in the fashion of growth, I've kept it bound tight to my heart. Traveling, no matter the distance, is such a favorite of mine. 

Girl In Blue

Life so far.

{via}

Hello again, my sweet friends! 

It's been a hot, hot, *hot* minute since I've shared what I've been up to. It only seems fitting that as I procrastinate on multitudes of work, I take the opportunity now. 

Here's a peak at my life so far:

I'm an intern! For just a smidge over a month, I have had the opportunity to be a PR/Marketing Intern for The Borgen Project. The Borgen Project is a NPO that fights to pass legislation in order to change the lives of the world's poor. Working for this organization has taught me the importance of advocacy and using my privileges to benefit others. (I also am fundraising for my internship so if you're interested in donating to an organization that changes lives, please consider donating to my campaign!)

I'm traveling again! I am so excited to FINALLY announce that I have been blessed with the opportunity to travel Route 66 this July with a friend of mine. What a way to barrel into my 21st year! If you have any tips/must sees for traveling Route 66, please do let me know! (And don't worry, I'm takin' y'all with me on this adventure.)

I'm working on my best self.  For what seems like the better portion of my life, I have been working towards a "skinny" image of myself. I've always felt that I was on the heavier side of all my friends, but over the past months, this image has changed. I've been viewing my body as strong and capable and honestly incredible. Do I have big legs? Heck yes, but they also help me run and lift and hike and those things require my legs to be big. I'm not certain when my mentality switched from "skinny" to strong, but it has made all the difference. While there are still moments where I feel like I "have to" go to the gym, it's switched reasonings. I used to feel like I have to go to the gym to maintain a certain image, now I just feel like I have to go to the gym because I like to see what my body is capable of, and a good endorphin rush certainly never hurt anybody.

I'm missing my homies. As many of you may know, my best friend Court is off on a big adventure serving God this summer at SpringHill. She's been gone for (almost) two months, and it's been super weird not getting texts from her asking me to hang out or drive to see her at weird hours of the day (though now I get snaps of her asking me to drive to her camp site at 7am- a weird hour for me, who doesn't get up until 11 despite my best efforts). This week, my other homie is gone too. Han's hiking mountains in Utah, and I am so jealous of her travels. I can't wait for my two sweet friends to come home!

I'm learning to be quiet. In the last months, I have been feeling sort of out of sorts (wow what a phrasing of words, good job LJ). In my constant efforts to figure everything out like the true Type A in my heart, I've been forgetting to be quiet. I've been forgetting to spend time in a book or THE Book, and listening to God has been put on the back burner. This sounds so horrible to admit, but human nature makes us all flawed, and it's so so important to share these flaws. It's okay to admit them, it's okay to bring them to the light. But it's important to act on them, to make the situation better. So in the last few weeks I've been learning to be quiet again. I'm working on waking up earlier so I have some much needed quiet time with God, where I can journal my prayers and my thoughts and really spend time in the Word. It's making the difference in my heart, but I'm not perfect at it and I'm still learning to be intentional with my time.

Those are some of my major life updates. If you are interested or feel called to donate to my fundraising campaign, just click HERE and you will be directed automatically to my campaign.

While I'm not heading off on my big trip just yet, you won't want to miss out on all my posts from the road. Follow my shiny *new* blog instagram @laurenstateofmind and search #laurenstateoftravel to see my adventures as they happen!

Flawed.

{via}

Lately I've been finding it hard to put into words the thoughts running through my mind. 

So badly have I wanted to be producing new content for this little space, but every time I open up a fresh blank post, it seems that my plans disappear, getting sucked into a vacuum. Never before has writing been so difficult for me, and it's been discouraging to read other people's truths and not be able to put mine to paper (or post- whichever you prefer). 

Looking through all of my drafts, there are so many half-finished thoughts I want you to see. So many sort-of developed ideas, with words I feel are vital to put out there. The problem is I keep getting stuck. I'm so critical of myself, always being my biggest judge. I find flaws in all of my half-baked ideas, and it results in them never coming to light. 

To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure what I envisioned for this post. I was sitting up in bed, and I just heard "write." So here I am, sharing what comes to mind at the ripe time of 11:20 p.m. Here goes. 

I am flawed. 

We all are, to no surprise, but dang there are some things I wish I could change. I wish I could change my inability to work until the pressure is on (why I work best under stress and impending deadlines is beyond me). Even as I write this, I'm putting off some event planning details (sorry Chris!!!) and haven't responded to e-mails sitting in my inbox. I wish I didn't fall so freely or so fast, or trusted people all too easily. I sure as heck wish I was more disciplined- I'm sure a third of my problems could be solved if I could just get myself to stick to a routine, honestly. 

I also wish I knew where I was going with the post. I feel like they all kind of have been turning into a hodgepodge of things. Maybe that's okay, though. This is real. Life is messy and doesn't follow a straight path. I can make plans and intend for the best and God can come in and wreck my plans because His a greater. I am eternally flawed because I think I can stand on my own sometimes; that I don't need to rely on Him. 

If anything, my flaws were intentional. If I had no need for things that only He can provide, what would be the point? We would all be running around this Earth thinking we were all that and a bag of chips. Sometimes we're not even a single chip. (Awful metaphor but I think you see my point.) The thing is, our flaws are important. Our flaws draw us closer to God. We can't survive on our own, and our flaws remind us of this. You, me, we were all created in a perfect vision to be perfectly imperfect. Having this realization takes away some fear. Flaws are okay. 

There is strength in weakness. 

2 Corinthians 12:9

Progress.

It's been a while. I know.

Frankly, I've been holding out on this post for over a month now. I've tried to edit it and make it perfect, but it's still sloppy and likely riddled with typos and definitely all over the place- and I think that's okay. This is raw, but at least it's honest. So here goes nothing.

I've been distant. That I'm all too aware of. The last few months it's as though I was grappling to find my footing. Lately I've been feeling behind the curve. I'll be honest: I am not where I pictured myself being at the brink of 21. 

If you would've asked me where I pictured myself being at this point in my life back in the fall, It was much different. I would've said that I would be working at an internship full-time, getting engulfed in work, and making tons of money. It would've been something glamorous to put in my resume, something that shows I have work ethic and panache. Believe me- I tried really hard for this. I sent out resumes and went on interviews, only falling minutely short of it. It was equal parts embarrassment and frustration over not committing to my minor earlier to be at the experience level of my competition. In no way did I expect to find myself heading into the summer before my senior year, still serving ice cream, facing what had seemed like no internship opportunity at all. 

However, God works in miraculous and mysterious ways. Right before going on a trip with some friends, I was offered one last interview. I had my doubts about getting the gig, considering they only hire about 13% of applicants, and I was competing with other students from all ends of the country. After stumbling over my words and thoughts, my interview was wrapped up in seven short minutes and four questions latter. I was feeling extremely defeated and went back to packing for my trip. A few days later, though, I received an offer. 

The point of this all isn't to brag- it's about progress. Progress isn't linear, and no two paths are the same. I have spent the last six months running out of breath trying to keep pace with all of my peers. Putting in the work, balancing jobs and passions, and trying to forge a patch alongside others made me exhausted. Heck- it could've given me an asthma attack if I didn't slow down. I put so much energy and intense focus on my own plan, and that was the problem all along. My plans are nothing in comparison to what God is preparing for me.

It's really hard to be in the thick of your life, wondering if every decision you make is okay. God loves us and gives us choices, but in the end His will be done. The type A within me has a hard time grasping this, and instead over-calculates each step I take. I spend so much time in worry that I'm missing out on life. I can't tell you the last time my soul got some good quiet time, let alone the last time I've actually be able to pick up my Bible and just read. This self-confession was a wakeup call for me. My story isn't going to be the same as my friend's, my peer's, or my professor's. My story is my own. My progress is my own. Most importantly this life is my own. I don't have to be constantly running to keep up with the pack. It doesn't matter how fast I sprint- my success is not a competition.

Sometimes, it's important to take a step back and tell yourself this. The first times I told myself this, it felt like I was just saying some flowery words in a weak attempt at a pep-talk, but it really feels like the truth. My journey is uniquely my own, and I'm going to take it one Chaco-clad footstep at a time. I don't have to run and compete with everyone else. I don't have to feel bad about where I'm at in life. I'm hustling and I'm making things work, and one day the 9-5 life may be mine. But for now, there's no need to rush. For now, I need to slow down and appreciate what I've done, what I'm doing, and look forward to the future without trying to compare my path so much to everyone else's. It'll happen in time. As my best friend Han says to me often "we are too young to settle." This is a time to live.

Twenty.

I'm at a weird junction in my life. Twenty is such an exciting age for many reasons, but it's also so confusing. I'm no longer a teenager, but I'm not quite an adult yet- at least not in my mind. I can make decisions with weighty consequences, but I'm still young enough to turn to my parents when I'm in a bind. For as fun as twenty has been, there's also been a bit of an identity crisis on my end.

At 20, I have found myself at a crossroads. No longer does my major make me jump out of bed in the morning, and I've found myself shuffling from one activity to the next. I am constantly 'go, go, go,' and while I find myself exhausted after late nights and early mornings, I love it. 

In this age, I've learned a lot about myself. My twentieth year has given my many opportunities (not all of which I ever asked for or wanted, but opportunities nonetheless). For the first time in a long time, I've been on my own, bopping through life, and learning. Really learning. Everyone around me keeps saying that I've grown, and in these moments of reflection I am finding how right they actually are. 

I've learned that I'm not quite as passionate about psychology as I once was, but I've found a minor that makes me so excited to schedule classes that I am literally spending first semester running between buildings just to take these courses. I've found that good friendships are way better than any unfulfilling relationship. Nobody has time for someone who doesn't make the effort, and I've learned that the hard way a time or two this year. 

Twenty also brought my brokenness to the light. And man, am I broken. Aren't we all, though? I was/am so broken that I don't even always realize it. A workaholic, by devise, I have the tendency to ignore my brokenness and my hurt by filling my hours, mind, and heart with the worries of my work. In the last year, I have finally come to accept this. My baby steps at distancing myself from my work are helping, but dang do old habits die hard.

Twenty has also be fun. This twentieth year has awarded me with so many chances to travel. Wisconsin was cold and filled with wonderful company. Toronto was challenging and awe-inspiring and really really beautiful. Florida is going to be 1,390 (.8!) miles of fun and growing in fellowship. As a continuously wanderlust individual, I always have the travel bug, and three adventures in one year is incredible.

I've heard time and time again that the twenties are the most exciting, growth-filled years of one's life, and I'm finding that to be true. Here's to the twenties. May we all make it through them wiser and with wrinkles from laughing too hard and too frequently.

Trust.

I am in a season of my life where I am being tested. 

It seems every obstacle I overcome leads me to something new I must face, and while I'm grateful for the opportunities to grow- man do I need a break. The month of March is flying by, and it feels like I'm jumping hurdles and sprinting to keep up. 

At times like these, I really wonder what God is trying to teach me. He works miracles in brokenness, and it's all I can do but pray that that's exactly what He's doing in my heart right now. About a month ago, I attended a Midweek where they talked about pushing away from doubt and pulling into Him, and it feels like I'm in a tug of war. 

One thing that's comforting me right now is Matthew 6:34 (ESV). "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." If tomorrow already has it's own set of trials, why do we spend so much time consumed with worry? Why is letting go so intimidating? As someone who worries about quite literally anything, this is a really hard practice for me, but I feel like it's something God is calling me to strengthen. He may not author everything that happens in my life, but He sure does use it to build me up. 

It's hard work, trusting. Maybe not for everyone, but definitely for me. I am a skeptic and a self-proclaimed cynic, and I definitely try to control more of His design than I really should. It's no mistake that when I lean on Him I feel more at peace, but it's the pendulum of feeling His peace and thinking it's from my own accord that keeps me off kilter. This season of my life is teaching me I cannot do it on my own, but more importantly, that I don't have to. In 1 Peter 5:7, we are told to cast our anxieties on Him. He's with us; we are not alone. 

I think God must look down on us sometimes and laugh. Not in a mean way, but in a "if you could just see what I'm doing in your lives you would let me work" kind of way. He just wants our trust and for us to fear less. I'm very fearful, but that fear blocks strength. Fear, like shame, thrives in the dark, but when brought to light, it is powerless. For me, this has been evident in all aspects of my walk of faith. Even today in the verses following my devotional I am being called to walk with trust. 

My favorite verse, Psalm 61:2, is the constant that I cling to. "From the end of the Earth, I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Maybe I just have a thing for mountains, but the imagery in that is just beautiful. He is not only our rock, but His perspective over all is that which can only be seen from the heights of a rock, or a mountain. When I am weary and tired and broken down, I can still rely on Him. How powerful and absolutely wonderful is that? 

At the end of it all, this is just one more opportunity to grow. I'm trying to look at most situations in that light- as a chance to mature in His view of me. After all, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." (Psalm 18:32)

A Weekend in Canada (a photo story)

Lovin' on...

Hi friends! How crazy is it that it's March already?

I feel like 2017 has already been so good to me. Between a new (& seriously awesome job), travel plans (#OGFRoadtrip), and learning that I am one class away from completing my major, March has been a pretty sweet several days so far.

With all the hectic-ness of the new year, here's what I've been lovin' on:

A Drink With

Hillary Sawchuk came to my public relations class last week and fanned a spark within me. Holy moly- she is like superwoman. Having her speak to my class about her webseries, A Drink With, as well as her personal story, was the most inspired I have felt in any lecture. Adding a public relations minor to my degree has been hands down the best thing I've decided to do in my academic career, and she confirmed it. Most influential to me was her thoughts on mistakes. Seriously, we need to be making them now while we can still bounce back in a nanosecond! I highly recommend watching her videos and reading her interviews if you want to laugh and learn from some of the most prominent people in the media. (I'm guilty of binge watching them all more than once.)

Divide

Ed Sheeran has done it again, lemme tell you. With a new album full of the perfect balance of ballads and folk inspired songs, Divide is just amazing. I have been stuck between replaying Barcelona and Perfect on an endless loop- both of which are at polar ends of the album's sound spectrum. Have you gotten the chance to listen to divide yet? (Pssst, if not, it's all on Spotify!!)

Slip ons

Somewhere between always being late for Court's 9 am pick ups for our library dates and my incessant displeasure from having to tie shoes when I'm half awake, I found myself in need of some slip on shoes. I know- it's like I'm back to being three. But seriously, they are a game changer if you're someone who's frequently running late (#guilty). I just got this pair, but linked some other favorites below!

What have you been lovin' on? 

Anew.

{via}

With the start of this new blog series, I feel like 'anew' is only a fitting title.

Three months into the year, and I feel like I've gone through the biggest growth spurt of my life. Everything has been constantly in motion and changing. I can only thank Jesus for this, because my stagnant ways were starting to pull me down- but He knew that.

The 'One Word' Series.

One word.

That's all it takes. To strike up a conversation, to form a relationship, to change a life. 

If you were given one word, how would you use it? I believe that words are powerful, and it only takes one to set a story in motion. So I came up with the One Word series. 

Every week, I'm picking one word. One word that, sometimes, completely consumes me. With each word, I'm sharing a lesson, a thought, or a memory. 

A story starts with one word. These are mine. 

Welcome to the One Word series. 

Starting this Sunday.

The low down.

Wow. Long time hecka no talk. 

I miss this little corner of the internet. So much that I have five different posts and a whole series lined up. Currently, though, my mind thinks faster than I can type and lately I've been losing the words before I can commit them to a blank posts. 

So instead of trying to get the words right, I figured I'd just tell you what I'm up to...

I have almost completely stopped cursing and now I say frick every other second as a result

Aloe water is my newest addiction & also a huge turn off to half the population apparently 

Outside of school work I use Google calendar more than my paper planner and this is #sacrilege

Finally got myself to like sushi

I started a food review on my snapchat called finals or food critics (slide into my DMs if you want to follow my snapchat antics)

Wednesdays are my favorite day of the week because God and Midweek are so so so good

Got to watch La La Land finally and fell in love with the beauty of cinema again

Booked a trip to Orlando with my homies

Discovered I loath cognitive psychology, go figure...

Dubbed 2017 as the year of growth in all areas of my life 

Now, wasn't that a list as disorderly and chaotic as my life? 

I hope to be back to this little corner very soon. I'm working on a series of blogposts that have been placed on my heart, and I am really anxious to show you all of my writing. Until then...

Funky.

 shirt (on sale now!) / bralette / jeans / boots

This shirt is so fun, and I cannot thank Han enough for talking me into buying it. It's so funky and I love the way it moves. 10/10 recommend, especially with it being on sale right now! 

P.S. thank you Len for literally being the best photographer & genuine smile catcher ever! Love you forever, nugget! 

The Wanting.

What do you want? It's a fairly simple question. I could answer it in seconds flat. I want a flat stomach, a new car, the complete series of Gilmore Girls on DVD. And this is all just recently after Christmas- after a holiday that mass consumerism has made it acceptable to unload hundreds of dollars in gifts to individuals. It's made wanting the norm. Mom wants a new set of kitchen towels, dad wants a new model kit, sister just wants it all. At what cost, though, does this wanting come to us?

Resolute.

Admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering. 

How beautiful the definition of resolute is. 

We're talking resolutions today, as is probably every other blogger pouring their hearts onto their pages today.