Trust.

I am in a season of my life where I am being tested. 

It seems every obstacle I overcome leads me to something new I must face, and while I'm grateful for the opportunities to grow- man do I need a break. The month of March is flying by, and it feels like I'm jumping hurdles and sprinting to keep up. 

At times like these, I really wonder what God is trying to teach me. He works miracles in brokenness, and it's all I can do but pray that that's exactly what He's doing in my heart right now. About a month ago, I attended a Midweek where they talked about pushing away from doubt and pulling into Him, and it feels like I'm in a tug of war. 

One thing that's comforting me right now is Matthew 6:34 (ESV). "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." If tomorrow already has it's own set of trials, why do we spend so much time consumed with worry? Why is letting go so intimidating? As someone who worries about quite literally anything, this is a really hard practice for me, but I feel like it's something God is calling me to strengthen. He may not author everything that happens in my life, but He sure does use it to build me up. 

It's hard work, trusting. Maybe not for everyone, but definitely for me. I am a skeptic and a self-proclaimed cynic, and I definitely try to control more of His design than I really should. It's no mistake that when I lean on Him I feel more at peace, but it's the pendulum of feeling His peace and thinking it's from my own accord that keeps me off kilter. This season of my life is teaching me I cannot do it on my own, but more importantly, that I don't have to. In 1 Peter 5:7, we are told to cast our anxieties on Him. He's with us; we are not alone. 

I think God must look down on us sometimes and laugh. Not in a mean way, but in a "if you could just see what I'm doing in your lives you would let me work" kind of way. He just wants our trust and for us to fear less. I'm very fearful, but that fear blocks strength. Fear, like shame, thrives in the dark, but when brought to light, it is powerless. For me, this has been evident in all aspects of my walk of faith. Even today in the verses following my devotional I am being called to walk with trust. 

My favorite verse, Psalm 61:2, is the constant that I cling to. "From the end of the Earth, I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Maybe I just have a thing for mountains, but the imagery in that is just beautiful. He is not only our rock, but His perspective over all is that which can only be seen from the heights of a rock, or a mountain. When I am weary and tired and broken down, I can still rely on Him. How powerful and absolutely wonderful is that? 

At the end of it all, this is just one more opportunity to grow. I'm trying to look at most situations in that light- as a chance to mature in His view of me. After all, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." (Psalm 18:32)