The Wanting.

What do you want? It's a fairly simple question. I could answer it in seconds flat. I want a flat stomach, a new car, the complete series of Gilmore Girls on DVD. And this is all just recently after Christmas- after a holiday that mass consumerism has made it acceptable to unload hundreds of dollars in gifts to individuals. It's made wanting the norm. Mom wants a new set of kitchen towels, dad wants a new model kit, sister just wants it all. At what cost, though, does this wanting come to us?


I have often caught myself in the destructive thought patterns associated with wanting. You know the ones I'm talking about. Where we think "If I just had ____, I would be happy. I would feel complete. I would finally have it all." The problem with this thinking is that it's riddled with falsities and emptiness. We know those thoughts are false, yet we buy into them anyways. We're aware that any happiness an object gives us will be fleeting, that things can't fill us with joy or make us feel alive or fulfilled or loved. These are just lies we tell ourselves to avoid what's happening deep within us. We toy and barter and indulge these thoughts because we know it's easier to think that things can fill us  rather than to acknowledge that something, perhaps, is up.

Often times this deep sense of wanting comes from jealousy. How many times have you found yourself comparing what you have to someone else? Ever notice that so rarely we are comparing how much more we have? At the very least, how often do we just appreciate what we have? I am far more likely to count up all the things I wish I had rather than all of the blessings in my life. As I was reading through Proverbs, I found a verse that just resonated with me so profoundly. Proverbs 27:4 perfectly describes how dangerous jealousy can become even more dangerous than anger sometimes. We break ourselves over jealousy and think ourselves into believing we are inadequate. We're not inadequate though- we are enough! Lately, I've been so captivated by how enough we all are; how enough I actually am. I was created to be me, with all of my quirks and oddities, for a reason. I shouldn't be jealous over what others have because I've been equipped with everything to set me on a good path, a path made specifically, painstakingly, for me. What good would it do for me to be jealous over every little thing that I do not have when I have enough, when I am enough? It's an effortful practice, but I want to stop being jealous, stop thinking that I'm lacking something. I don't want to hurt myself over wishing and wanting for things I don't need simply because I feel like I need more just to keep up or be hip or whatever other lies that creep into my mind. I want to hold onto something more permanent. I want to chase after something that will last forever in a world that is changing every day. I want these things because truthfully, we all know what happens when we finally get the things we think we want...

We want more.