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Hello again, my sweet friends! 

It's been a hot, hot, *hot* minute since I've shared what I've been up to. It only seems fitting that as I procrastinate on multitudes of work, I take the opportunity now. 

Here's a peak at my life so far:

I'm an intern! For just a smidge over a month, I have had the opportunity to be a PR/Marketing Intern for The Borgen Project. The Borgen Project is a NPO that fights to pass legislation in order to change the lives of the world's poor. Working for this organization has taught me the importance of advocacy and using my privileges to benefit others. (I also am fundraising for my internship so if you're interested in donating to an organization that changes lives, please consider donating to my campaign!)

I'm traveling again! I am so excited to FINALLY announce that I have been blessed with the opportunity to travel Route 66 this July with a friend of mine. What a way to barrel into my 21st year! If you have any tips/must sees for traveling Route 66, please do let me know! (And don't worry, I'm takin' y'all with me on this adventure.)

I'm working on my best self.  For what seems like the better portion of my life, I have been working towards a "skinny" image of myself. I've always felt that I was on the heavier side of all my friends, but over the past months, this image has changed. I've been viewing my body as strong and capable and honestly incredible. Do I have big legs? Heck yes, but they also help me run and lift and hike and those things require my legs to be big. I'm not certain when my mentality switched from "skinny" to strong, but it has made all the difference. While there are still moments where I feel like I "have to" go to the gym, it's switched reasonings. I used to feel like I have to go to the gym to maintain a certain image, now I just feel like I have to go to the gym because I like to see what my body is capable of, and a good endorphin rush certainly never hurt anybody.

I'm missing my homies. As many of you may know, my best friend Court is off on a big adventure serving God this summer at SpringHill. She's been gone for (almost) two months, and it's been super weird not getting texts from her asking me to hang out or drive to see her at weird hours of the day (though now I get snaps of her asking me to drive to her camp site at 7am- a weird hour for me, who doesn't get up until 11 despite my best efforts). This week, my other homie is gone too. Han's hiking mountains in Utah, and I am so jealous of her travels. I can't wait for my two sweet friends to come home!

I'm learning to be quiet. In the last months, I have been feeling sort of out of sorts (wow what a phrasing of words, good job LJ). In my constant efforts to figure everything out like the true Type A in my heart, I've been forgetting to be quiet. I've been forgetting to spend time in a book or THE Book, and listening to God has been put on the back burner. This sounds so horrible to admit, but human nature makes us all flawed, and it's so so important to share these flaws. It's okay to admit them, it's okay to bring them to the light. But it's important to act on them, to make the situation better. So in the last few weeks I've been learning to be quiet again. I'm working on waking up earlier so I have some much needed quiet time with God, where I can journal my prayers and my thoughts and really spend time in the Word. It's making the difference in my heart, but I'm not perfect at it and I'm still learning to be intentional with my time.

Those are some of my major life updates. If you are interested or feel called to donate to my fundraising campaign, just click HERE and you will be directed automatically to my campaign.

While I'm not heading off on my big trip just yet, you won't want to miss out on all my posts from the road. Follow my shiny *new* blog instagram @laurenstateofmind and search #laurenstateoftravel to see my adventures as they happen!

Flawed.

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Lately I've been finding it hard to put into words the thoughts running through my mind. 

So badly have I wanted to be producing new content for this little space, but every time I open up a fresh blank post, it seems that my plans disappear, getting sucked into a vacuum. Never before has writing been so difficult for me, and it's been discouraging to read other people's truths and not be able to put mine to paper (or post- whichever you prefer). 

Looking through all of my drafts, there are so many half-finished thoughts I want you to see. So many sort-of developed ideas, with words I feel are vital to put out there. The problem is I keep getting stuck. I'm so critical of myself, always being my biggest judge. I find flaws in all of my half-baked ideas, and it results in them never coming to light. 

To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure what I envisioned for this post. I was sitting up in bed, and I just heard "write." So here I am, sharing what comes to mind at the ripe time of 11:20 p.m. Here goes. 

I am flawed. 

We all are, to no surprise, but dang there are some things I wish I could change. I wish I could change my inability to work until the pressure is on (why I work best under stress and impending deadlines is beyond me). Even as I write this, I'm putting off some event planning details (sorry Chris!!!) and haven't responded to e-mails sitting in my inbox. I wish I didn't fall so freely or so fast, or trusted people all too easily. I sure as heck wish I was more disciplined- I'm sure a third of my problems could be solved if I could just get myself to stick to a routine, honestly. 

I also wish I knew where I was going with the post. I feel like they all kind of have been turning into a hodgepodge of things. Maybe that's okay, though. This is real. Life is messy and doesn't follow a straight path. I can make plans and intend for the best and God can come in and wreck my plans because His a greater. I am eternally flawed because I think I can stand on my own sometimes; that I don't need to rely on Him. 

If anything, my flaws were intentional. If I had no need for things that only He can provide, what would be the point? We would all be running around this Earth thinking we were all that and a bag of chips. Sometimes we're not even a single chip. (Awful metaphor but I think you see my point.) The thing is, our flaws are important. Our flaws draw us closer to God. We can't survive on our own, and our flaws remind us of this. You, me, we were all created in a perfect vision to be perfectly imperfect. Having this realization takes away some fear. Flaws are okay. 

There is strength in weakness. 

2 Corinthians 12:9