Flawed.

{via}

Lately I've been finding it hard to put into words the thoughts running through my mind. 

So badly have I wanted to be producing new content for this little space, but every time I open up a fresh blank post, it seems that my plans disappear, getting sucked into a vacuum. Never before has writing been so difficult for me, and it's been discouraging to read other people's truths and not be able to put mine to paper (or post- whichever you prefer). 

Looking through all of my drafts, there are so many half-finished thoughts I want you to see. So many sort-of developed ideas, with words I feel are vital to put out there. The problem is I keep getting stuck. I'm so critical of myself, always being my biggest judge. I find flaws in all of my half-baked ideas, and it results in them never coming to light. 

To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure what I envisioned for this post. I was sitting up in bed, and I just heard "write." So here I am, sharing what comes to mind at the ripe time of 11:20 p.m. Here goes. 

I am flawed. 

We all are, to no surprise, but dang there are some things I wish I could change. I wish I could change my inability to work until the pressure is on (why I work best under stress and impending deadlines is beyond me). Even as I write this, I'm putting off some event planning details (sorry Chris!!!) and haven't responded to e-mails sitting in my inbox. I wish I didn't fall so freely or so fast, or trusted people all too easily. I sure as heck wish I was more disciplined- I'm sure a third of my problems could be solved if I could just get myself to stick to a routine, honestly. 

I also wish I knew where I was going with the post. I feel like they all kind of have been turning into a hodgepodge of things. Maybe that's okay, though. This is real. Life is messy and doesn't follow a straight path. I can make plans and intend for the best and God can come in and wreck my plans because His a greater. I am eternally flawed because I think I can stand on my own sometimes; that I don't need to rely on Him. 

If anything, my flaws were intentional. If I had no need for things that only He can provide, what would be the point? We would all be running around this Earth thinking we were all that and a bag of chips. Sometimes we're not even a single chip. (Awful metaphor but I think you see my point.) The thing is, our flaws are important. Our flaws draw us closer to God. We can't survive on our own, and our flaws remind us of this. You, me, we were all created in a perfect vision to be perfectly imperfect. Having this realization takes away some fear. Flaws are okay. 

There is strength in weakness. 

2 Corinthians 12:9