Hey, what's up, hello-

This is really hard to write. I've been staring at a blank document for days- writing and rewriting my thoughts and feelings about disassociating... Now the day is here and I still have no clue what I even want to say to you all in parting.

Let's start with some thank you's, shall we? First and foremost, thank you for bringing me out of my shell. If I was standing by my freshman year self at this time last year, I wouldn't recognize me. Joining the chapter was something that helped me bust out of my comfort zone. I never have felt more comfortable around 80+ girls in my life, but I not only feel comfortable around you all, but I feel safe, brave, and at home. All of you are helping me become the best version of myself, and I know without your support and guidance, I would never be accomplishing everything that I had over this past year.

I also need to thank you for helping me find me voice. In a chapter with so many strong women, it can sometimes be hard for me to share my opinions or ideas, but it's gotten a whole lot easier around you guys. You've given me the tools to start opening myself up and you've begun to teach me how to speak up when I need to, how to have grace when I embarrass myself, and most importantly- how to truly listen to others. This has helped me so much already in the things that I've begun to do around campus.

I guess I really just want to say that I'll miss you all. You've all become my family when I'm away from home, and you're the older sisters I've always wanted to have. I can't wait to meet all the girls you usher into our home and I'm counting down the days until I can jump off stage to you all.

See you on the other side! One month can't be that long... right?

(P.S. please enjoy this photo edit of some lovely ZTA women on their bid day. I can't wait to experience the excitement they have in their photo with you all in a short month!) 

An Open Letter To My Big On Disassociation Day...

I don't know what's going to be worse- not talking to you for a month or you leaving the chapter soon. For now, we'll go with not talking to you for a month. I think it pretty much goes without saying that I'm going to miss you but I'm going to say it about five hundred times throughout this letter to really drive the point home. 

In under a year you've quickly become one of my most favorite people ever. I remember around this time last year being on the Panhel website, stalking the heck out of you. I remember sitting behind my laptop telling my roommate about how I basically wanted to be you, and if nothing else, be your little. Funny how things work out. 

You were my first friend in the chapter. I pretty much talked to you every night of recruitment (even though I probably wasn't supposed to), and when I wasn't talking to you, I was talking about you. I cried for your homecoming on Bid Day when you finished your reveal, and though I had already known what chapter you were in, I was so happy to just be one of your sisters. 

In under a year, you've taught me a lot. You taught me to take the high road (even when I don't want to because some people are worth being extra sassy to...). You helped me learn every ritual, you helped me prepare for my new member exam, and you even helped me learn to to put my own pin on. Outside of the chapter, you taught me the wonders of Chick-fil-A sauce, the best places to hide in the OC, and where you can isolate yourself in the library while still being close to an outlet. 

Besides being my big, you're also like my second mom when I'm at school. You offer to bring me gatorade for when I'm deliriously sick after composite, you always talk me out of chopping all of my hair off when I'm sick of doing it every day, and you've taught me the importance of layering pants when the walk across campus is too cold for one pair of leggings. You always sit with me at lunch so that I'm never alone, and you always introduce to me to the Greeks I don't know at Greek table so that when you're not there someone always knows me. You always have gum for when I've drunken too much coffee and I have a bad case of coffee breath, and you're always my go-to for swiping free food from SPB events. 

I'm pretty sure you're also the only one in the chapter who understands my love of big/little pictures, and you never get annoyed when I have to take a picture over because my eye one eye sometimes looks lazy (#thestruggle). You equally love mint chocolate chip ice cream, and you get that I go through phases of being obsessed with everything from a genre of music to a way to wear my hair. I'm going to miss our Chipotle / McDonalds/ Taco Bell / Applebee's runs after meetings, and I'm even going to miss the way you cut me off when I'm telling a story (because I always end up cutting you off too so you just get it). 

Thank you for letting me talk about Nick Jonas, listening to my love/hate relationship with everything Justin Bieber does, supporting my obsession with phanny packs, and for dragging my grandma self out so that I learn to be social. Thank you for teaching me how to be a new member, how to be brave and run for positions, and for always encouraging me to #blogaboutit. (Also thank you for not getting mad when I say "hashtag ___" because I know I do that a lot.) Lastly, thank you for being the reason I fell in love with our chapter and for being an exemplary model of what a sorority woman embodies. I can't wait to run into your arms on bid day (please catch me!!!) and throw our sign with you for the first time publicly in a month. 

I miss you already, Big! 

(please enjoy this picture of my big being cuter than me even when her face is covered up...)